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Money can ruin your relationship — so when you say “I do” at the altar, you need to also say “I DO” with your finances.
I DO is a framework I developed for navigating your finances as a married couple. It goes like this:
Initiate the Conversation
Divvy Up “Yours, Mine and Ours” Accounts
Opt For a Prenup
To show you how it works, I’ll give you a real-life example — with the celebrity couple Sharna Burgess and Brian Austin Green.
Step 1: Initiate the Conversation
Initiating a money conversation seems like it would be a no-brainer — but a lot of couples put it off.
This is what happened with Sharna and Brian. “ We had a baby a lot quicker than we thought we were going to,” Sharna told me on my podcast Money Rehab this week. “I think because it was like going through a tunnel at full speed in the beginning of our relationship, there were some conversations that just got missed.'”
If you haven’t had this conversation yet, have it now. Don’t wait a moment longer. If you wait until the “right time” to have the money talk, it’ll be too late.
So, what should you talk about? Here’s a place to start:
Step 2: Divvy Up Accounts
Here’s the first question that couples face: Whose money is whose?
This is a personal decision, and there’s no system that works for every couple. Some couples combine finances. Some keep them separate. Personally, I like a system I call “Yours, Mine, and Ours”.
It’s simple: You keep a bank account that’s just for you, your spouse keeps an account just for them, and you both contribute to a shared account. This way, you retain some financial independence but also build a financial life together.
This is what Sharna and Brian do. For Sharna, it helps keep the magic alive. “I don’t want to be over his books, because that’s not my job,” she said. “I feel like that takes some of the romance away.”
But as you create a plan to merge finances, you should also create a plan to disentangle them. Which means…
Step 3: Opt for a Prenup
If you have any form of an “Ours” or joint account, a prenup is critical.
This conversation can make people uncomfortable. I first spoke to Sharna a year ago, and asked her whether she and Brian have a prenup plan. She visibly froze, then told me it would be too awkward to discuss with Brian.
But a year later, she’s changed her tune. “ I think protecting yourself is a beautiful thing,” she told me more recently. “Knowing that everything is fair and you’ve made the big decisions, I think it’s incredibly smart.”
I completely agree — but I understand her fear from a year ago.
Prenups feel unromantic and stressful, mostly because people think of prenups as divorce planning. But really, it’s just insurance. You don’t get car insurance because you’re planning on getting into a car accident. You get insurance in case of an emergency, and you hope you’ll never have to use it, but it makes you feel a little more comfortable in your car.
That’s how a prenup should feel — it’s an emergency measure that makes you feel more secure in your relationship, not less.
The intersection of love and money can be messy, but if you follow the I DO framework, you’ll be doing right by your partner, yourself and your wallet.
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